There are peaks and valleys in life, these past few months have been a mix. Peak that I have two beautiful children, valley that life is not how I had planned it.
Spending so much time with family has been wonderful. But I know having two kids an extra dog and your almost 30 year daughter under your parents roof is not the easiest thing. I planned that we would be seeing lots of family under my own roof for dinner and play dates. A five and a half hour drive makes that impossible. At times I feel so anxious wanting to settle into a home, to know we are going to live somewhere for more than two years. It is hard to decorate and get organized when you know that you just have to pack up again. I need to let go of that anxiety and just make a home wherever we are for however long it is. No one really knows what tomorrow holds.
I planned to start working out everyday too. I want too, it clears my head and gives me energy. But with a newborn and toddler that goal is becoming very difficult to obtain. Jack wakes up at 6:30 and Lucy doesn't go to bed until 11pm, and their naps never match up. And with nursing I am so hungry all of the time, so these 10 pounds I want to drop are just driving me crazy. But then I sit back and appreciate that I am healthy, Preppy is healthy, the kids are healthy. My jeans fit and tunics are in. The last 10 pounds will eventually come off, it is nothing to be anxious about. Nursing is such a sweet precious thing between Mom and baby, once it's over it's really over. I can diet at any time.
Then there is Preppy, I miss my time with him. Date nights are out of the question right now because Lucy won't take a bottle and he is gone so much that when he is around I want him to be with the kids. I long to get dressed up and go out, but I am the one who refuses to get babysitters. It's just a crazy time and one day there will be more time for just the two of us. We will eventually get to the place where a Saturday date night is always on the calendar. Kids grow up and leave the house but Preppy and I are together forever!
Even keeping up with pictures, videos, blogging makes me feel like a failure these days! The pictures below are back from September 27th and I am just getting around to them. I love taking pictures, remembering these sweet times. But I don't want to sacrifice playing with Jack or snuggling Lucy. What usually gets sacrificed is the laundry (washing, folding, and putting away all included). If only there were more hours in the day or if I didn't need to sleep. But sleeping makes me happy and a nicer person to live with.
I need to get over the feeling of never being good enough. I know so many Mom's feel this way, that we can always do things better, do more. This time of life is short and fleeting, my goal is to enjoy it and fill my kids days with love. Not shoulda, coulda, woulda's. I wouldn't trade my life right now for the world.
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